Your best friend changed. Give it two weeks, then ask once.

Quick answer: Spend two weeks writing down what you actually see, not what you fear. Then ask her once, in private, about one specific thing. Believe what she says and watch what she does.

Last month she answered in four seconds. Now you send a message at 4:00 and get a thumbs-up at 8:15. She saved you a seat every day at lunch until Tuesday, when she saved it for someone else and waved at you across the room like you were a neighbor.

Your stomach drops. Your brain starts building a case.

Slow the case down. You don't have enough evidence yet, and the way you handle the next two weeks will decide whether this friendship gets repaired or wrecked.

Write down what you saw, not what you felt

Open a note on your phone. Keep it private, and keep it short. Each entry gets one line of plain fact:

• Tuesday: she sat with other people at lunch and didn't say anything about it.
• Thursday: I asked if she wanted to come over and she said maybe, then never answered.
• Saturday: she posted from a party I didn't know about.

Leave out "she's ignoring me" and "she hates me." Those are conclusions. A bad day makes everything look like proof, and a notes app doesn't have bad days.

After two weeks, read it back. Sometimes there are two entries and a lot of worry. Sometimes it's a clear pattern. Either way, you'll walk into the next step with facts instead of a feeling, and that changes how the conversation goes.

One exception. If she's being cruel to you, mocking you, repeating what you told her in confidence, or making you the joke in front of others, don't wait two weeks. That's a different problem, and it comes up below.

Most reasons aren't about you

People change how they act toward you for all kinds of reasons, and the boring ones win more often than the dramatic ones.

Something may be going on at her house: parents arguing, a move coming, a grandparent who's sick. Kids go quiet when home is loud. She may have started a new team or job, and her schedule ate the hours you used to share. She may like someone and be too embarrassed to tell you. She may be annoyed about something small you did in September and never said so.

And sometimes friendships just drift. Different classes, different practices, different lunch periods. Nobody did anything wrong. That still stings, but it isn't betrayal, and it's good to know the difference.

Ask once, in private, about one thing

Pick a moment when it's just the two of you. Walking to the car works. So does a private message if talking out loud feels impossible. Don't use the group chat. Don't send a "we need to talk" text at 11 p.m. so she spends the night dreading it. And never ask a mutual friend to find out for you.

Keep it to a few sentences:

"Hey, can I ask you something? Things have felt different lately, and I don't want to guess. Like Thursday, when I asked you over and never heard back. Is something going on?"

Then stop talking. This is the hard part. Let the quiet sit and let her answer.

Three things usually happen.

She opens up. "Yeah, sorry, my parents are a mess right now." Don't fix it and don't demand details. Say, "Okay. I'm around, no explanation needed." Then be around.

She names a problem with you. "Honestly, I was kind of hurt when you canceled on me twice." If it's fair, own your piece in one sentence: "You're right, that was lousy of me." No ten-minute apology speech. Just say it and mean it.

She says nothing's wrong, and something clearly is. You asked, politely and directly. You've done your part. Now watch her actions for another few weeks. Words can be easy. Showing up isn't.

Check your own side

Be honest with yourself, privately, not as punishment. Have you been jealous of her new friends? Have you been clingy, checking her posts and counting who she's with? Have you been so wrapped up in your own stuff that you missed hers?

A friend who feels watched and guilty pulls away faster. If that's you, the fix is simple. Give her room. Invite her to things without keeping score. Be the easy person to be around.

Where the line is

Everything above is for a friend who's distracted, drifting or hurting. It doesn't apply to a friend who's mean.

You don't have to put up with it if she:

• makes fun of you in front of other people and calls it "just joking"
• passes along things you told her in confidence
• is warm when it's just the two of you and cold when others are around
• makes you earn your way back with favors, gifts or apologies for nothing
• pressures you to do something you've said you don't want to do

You don't audition for a seat at someone's table. If she's spreading something about you, read When the rumor's about you, don't be the next link before you do anything. If she's pushing you toward something you don't want, How to say no to a friend and still be friends Monday has words you can use.

One more line, and it's firm. If she asks you to sneak around, to meet someone she met online, or to send or keep pictures, the answer is no, and you tell a parent, a teacher, a youth leader or the school nurse today. The same goes if she's said anything that scares you about hurting herself. Telling an adult isn't betraying her. You won't be in trouble, and it may be the most loyal thing you ever do. A secret that's too heavy isn't yours to carry alone says more about this.

What you don't do

Don't post a vague line about "fake people" and wait for her to see it. Don't recruit two other friends to take your side. Don't delete her from everything at 1 a.m. and then have to face her at her locker at 7:45.

Everything you do now, you'll live with in the hallway. You want to be able to look at her without flinching, whichever way this goes.

If the friendship fades or ends, end it clean. Give back the hoodie you borrowed. Return the charger. Say, "I'm glad we had the good stretch." Leave it better than you found it. People remember who handled a hard thing with class.

Meanwhile

Don't put your whole weight on one friendship. That's not disloyalty, it's good sense. Say yes to the invitation from the girl in your chemistry class. Sit with someone new at lunch on Wednesday. Spend an evening with your family and let somebody who isn't confusing you laugh at your jokes.

A friend who pulls back isn't a verdict on you. She may circle back in a month with an explanation and a real apology. She may not.

A good friend will meet you in the middle once you've asked kindly and clearly. If she won't, the friendship was smaller than you thought. You aren't.