The ten-minute routine that does ninety per cent of the work

Most men's grooming advice is either "use soap" or a twelve-product regime with a serum order you've to memorise. Both fail for the same reason: one does nothing and the other gets abandoned in nine days.

This is the version that survives contact with a real morning.

Morning — four minutes

Cleanse. A gentle face wash, not bar soap. Bar soap is formulated for a body and strips a face, which then overproduces oil to compensate — which is why men with oily skin who scrub hard get oilier.

Moisturise. Even if you're oily. Especially if you're oily. Dehydrated skin produces more oil, not less.

SPF. This is the one that actually matters and the one almost nobody does. The overwhelming majority of visible skin ageing is sun exposure, not time. A moisturiser with SPF 30 combines two steps and removes the excuse. Wear it in winter. Wear it indoors by a window if you sit by one all day.

If you do exactly one thing from this entire article, it's this one.

Evening — three minutes

Cleanse again. The day is on your face — pollution, sweat, sunscreen.

Moisturise. Heavier than the morning if your skin is dry.

That's it. Retinol is genuinely effective if you want a fourth product, but start at twice a week and expect a fortnight of your skin being annoyed with you.

Beard, or not

Clean-shaven: shave after a shower, with the grain first, and re-lather before going against it. Change the blade far more often than you do — most men use a blade until it hurts, and blade drag is the cause of most irritation people blame on their skin.

Beard: the length matters less than the edges. A defined neckline — roughly two fingers above the Adam's apple, curved, not straight across — and trimmed cheek lines make an unremarkable beard look deliberate. Wash it with something made for hair rather than face wash, and use a beard oil if it itches. The itch is dry skin underneath, not the hair.

Hair

Get it cut more often than you think — every three to four weeks, not when it starts annoying you. A cut looks best in week two and worst in week six, so a six-week cycle means half your life is spent in week six.

Learn the name of your cut and the number on the sides. "Same as last time" only works with the same barber.

The things that aren't optional

• Nails. Short, filed, clean. People notice hands constantly and never mention them.
• Ears and nose. A £15 trimmer, once a week. Nobody will tell you.
• Eyebrows. Not shaping them. Just removing the ones that have gone rogue and the ones bridging the middle.
• Teeth. Floss. It's the highest-return two minutes available to you and roughly half of men don't do it.

Fragrance, briefly

Two sprays. Chest and neck, not wrists rubbed together — rubbing crushes the top notes.

If people can smell you before you arrive, it's too much. The target is someone noticing at conversational distance and not before.