Changing your own oil in the driveway, the way it really goes

Changing your own oil is the best first job on a car. It's cheap, it's hard to ruin if you follow the steps, and it teaches you where things live under there. It also takes about four times longer than the guy in the video, who has a lift, a shop light and an editor.

What the box says

Drain the old oil. Replace the filter. Add new oil. Fifteen minutes, money saved, and a deep sense of self-reliance.

What you will actually need

• The right oil. Use the viscosity your owner's manual lists (0W-20, 5W-30, whatever it says) and note the capacity "with filter." Not what was on the endcap.
• The right filter. The counter guy will ask year, make, model and engine size. Engine size is the one you won't know. Look it up before you go.
• A new drain plug washer. This is the thing everybody forgets. It's small, it costs next to nothing, and you'll be driving back for it with oil on your elbows.
• A socket wrench and the correct socket for your drain plug. A torque wrench if you have one.
• An oil filter wrench sized for your filter, either the cap style or a band.
• A drain pan that holds more than your engine's capacity.
• A funnel.
• Ramps, or a floor jack plus two jack stands rated for your vehicle's weight. Wheel chocks.
• Nitrile gloves, rags, a big flattened cardboard box and a flashlight.
• Empty jugs with caps for the old oil. The new oil's jugs work fine once they're empty.
• A bag of cat litter for the spill you aren't planning.

The steps

1. Park on flat, level concrete. Set the parking brake and chock the wheels that'll stay on the ground.

1. Warm the engine for a few minutes, then shut it off and let it sit. Warm oil drains faster. Hot oil and a hot exhaust will burn you. You want warm, not fresh-off-the-highway.

1. Lift the car safely. Drive slowly up ramps, or jack at the lift points in your owner's manual and set jack stands at the specified support points. Never get under a car held up only by a jack. Before you crawl under, push hard on the car. It shouldn't move.

1. Find the drain plug and the filter. Some cars have a plastic undertray you'll need to unclip first. The drain plug sits at the lowest point of the engine's oil pan.

This is the step where people drain the transmission by mistake. If the plug isn't on the pan bolted to the bottom of the engine, stop and check the manual.

1. Open the oil filler cap on top of the engine and pull the dipstick. It lets air in so the oil drains cleanly.

1. Slide the pan under and loosen the plug. Counterclockwise. For the last few turns, use your fingers, pushing the plug inward, then pull it away fast.

Oil doesn't come straight down. It shoots out in an arc that shrinks as it slows, and you'll spend the next two minutes chasing it with the pan like a man trying to catch a pop fly.

1. Let it drain completely. Give it ten minutes. Wipe the plug, put on the new washer, thread it in by hand, and tighten to the torque spec in your manual.

Many oil pans are aluminum. "Really snug, plus a grunt" is how they get stripped.

1. Remove the filter. Move the pan under it first, because it's full of oil and it'll dump the moment it breaks loose. Then look at the old filter and make sure its rubber gasket came off with it.

If that old gasket is still stuck to the engine and you spin a new filter on top of it, you've built a very effective oil sprinkler.

1. Install the new filter. Wipe the mounting surface clean. Smear a little fresh oil on the new gasket with your finger. Spin it on by hand until the gasket touches, then add the extra turn printed on the filter or the box. Hand tight. No wrench unless the instructions say so.

1. Lower the car. It needs to be level for the dipstick to tell the truth.

1. Add oil, about half a quart less than the listed capacity. Wait a minute, check the dipstick and top up toward the full mark.

1. Start the engine and let it run for thirty seconds to a minute. The oil pressure light should go out within a few seconds. If it stays on, shut the engine off right away. Look underneath for drips at the plug and filter.

1. Shut it off, wait a few minutes and check the dipstick again. Top off to full. Put the filler cap back on. Reset the oil life monitor if your car has one; the manual shows you how.

My wife suggested writing the date and mileage on a sticker and putting it on the inside of the door jamb. I said I'd remember. I didn't. She bought the stickers. If you want this car to last, keep a log too. Getting a car past 250,000 miles is mostly boring habits like this one.

1. Bottle the old oil and recycle it. Many auto parts stores and county recycling centers take used motor oil, and often filters too. Call ahead. Never pour it down a drain, into the yard or into the trash.

Leave the driveway cleaner than you found it. Drips come up best with cat litter swept in and left to sit before you sweep it up. Your future self, and anybody who parks there, will thank you.

Where it goes wrong

You poured new oil into an engine with no drain plug in it. It happens to everybody once, usually to the guy who's done it fifty times. Fix the habit: keep the new jugs sealed and out of arm's reach until the plug is torqued. If you've already poured, stop, put the plug in, clean up with litter, and buy more oil. Don't start the engine until the level is right.

The old filter won't budge. The last person overtightened it. Get a filter wrench that actually fits; a band wrench grips better on a crushed can. As a true last resort, some people drive a long screwdriver through the old filter near the base and turn it. It works, it's messy, and you only ever do it to the filter that's coming off.

It's leaking after the change. Check the obvious first. A drip at the plug usually means the old washer got reused or it isn't torqued to spec. A steady leak at the filter usually means a doubled gasket or a filter that isn't tight. If oil is pouring, shut off the engine and fix it before driving anywhere.

The dipstick reads way over full. Too much oil is a problem too. Loosen the drain plug briefly and let some out, or use a cheap fluid extractor through the dipstick tube.

When to call a pro

Call a shop if you don't have a level surface or proper jack stands. That isn't the place to improvise. Same goes for stripped drain plug threads, a cracked oil pan, or an oil pressure light that stays on after the change. That last one means shut it off and get help.

Some cars make this harder: very low clearance, undertrays held on by twenty fasteners, cartridge filters that need a special tool. Doable, but that's a longer afternoon. If you're under warranty, keep your oil and filter receipts and your log, so you can show the work was done on time.

Before you start, check your lease or HOA rules if you rent or live in a planned community. Some restrict repairs in driveways. Disposal rules vary by area. For everything else on the schedule, it helps to know which servicing can't wait and which can.

Do it twice and the second one really does take forty minutes. The trip back for the washer, sadly, is forever.