A kid who can swim still needs someone watching

Quick answer: Get a child comfortable in the water around age one, with you in it with him. Formal lessons make sense from about four, sooner if he's eager. No lesson makes a kid safe on its own. The fence, the adult watching, the life jacket and the house rules do the rest.

Somebody has to be the lifeguard

Picture a Fourth of July cookout. Twenty-two adults, one pool, a three-year-old in a dry swimsuit. Every adult is sure somebody else has him.

Nobody's careless in that scene. They're all assuming. That's how it goes wrong.

So assign the job out loud. One adult is the Water Watcher. No drink in hand, no phone, eyes on the water. Give that person something to wear, like a ball cap or a lanyard, and hand it off by name every fifteen minutes. "Dave, you've got the hat." Dave can't wander off to flip burgers while he's wearing it.

Drowning is quiet. There's rarely any splashing or yelling. A child in trouble is usually upright, head tipped back, mouth at the waterline, too busy staying up to call out. If you're waiting for a noise, you'll miss it.

With little kids, the standard is arm's reach. Not the lawn chair. Arm's reach.

And floaties, water wings and pool noodles are toys. They slip, they deflate, and they make a kid look safer than he is.

Fence first

If you own a pool, the single best safety purchase is a four-sided fence at least four feet high, with a self-closing, self-latching gate that swings away from the pool. A fence that uses the back wall of your house as one side puts a door between your toddler and the water. Add an alarm on the door if you have to.

Pools aren't the only water. Hot tubs, ponds, drainage ditches, buckets and bathtubs all count for a small child.

When you visit someone else's place, ask where the water is before you take your coat off. Some hosts will say "oh, the kids are fine." You can say, "I'm sure they are. I'll sit by the pool anyway." Be polite about it and don't budge. If nobody's assigned to watch and you can't do it yourself, it's fine to leave. A party isn't worth that.

And whatever condition you found the gate in, latch it behind you on the way out. Leave it better than you found it.

When to start

The American Academy of Pediatrics says children as young as one can benefit from swim lessons, and it also says no amount of lessons makes a small child drown-proof. Hold both of those thoughts.

Here's how that tends to break down:

• Ages one to three: Parent-and-child classes. The goal is comfort, not strokes. Faces get wet, he learns the water holds him up, and he learns it's a place with rules.
• Around four: Real lessons, with an instructor and a small group. Some four-year-olds are ready. Some cry for six weeks and then take off. Both are normal.
• Any age: A kid who's terrified isn't a failure. Slow down and go back a step.

Look for an instructor who teaches floating and getting to the wall, not just kicking across the pool. Ask about class size and what certification the instructors hold. Thirty minutes once or twice a week beats a single long session. Some kids need two summers. That's fine.

Practice that works between lessons

You don't need a pool. Bath time covers the first step: blow bubbles, get ears wet, pour water over the head without a meltdown.

Once he's in a pool with you, work in this order and don't skip ahead:

1. Face in the water, blowing bubbles.
2. Floating on his back while you support him, then with less help.
3. Kicking to the wall with his face in.
4. Gliding from your hands to the wall.
5. Turning around and getting back to the wall from the middle.
6. Climbing out without a ladder.

That last pair is the one most families skip, and it's the one that matters most. Teach the fall-in. Stand him at the edge, let him drop in with his clothes and shoes on, and have him turn, find the wall, and climb out. Do it ten times. A kid who only swims in a swimsuit with goggles has practiced for a different emergency than the one that actually happens.

Keep each session to fifteen minutes and end on something he did well. Never throw a kid in to teach him. It's an old method, and it mostly teaches a child to fear the water and distrust you.

Open water is a different sport

A kid who swims laps in the pool hasn't learned the lake. There's no wall, the bottom drops off, the water's colder than it looks, and he can't see his own feet. Rivers have current. Oceans have waves and rip currents.

Any child who isn't a strong swimmer wears a U.S. Coast Guard-approved life jacket near open water, even in the shallows. On a boat, everybody his age wears one. Check the fit by lifting the jacket at the shoulders. If it rides up past his ears, it's too big.

A good swimmer in a jacket still looks silly to him at ten. Wear yours too.

The one rule

Pick one rule and enforce it every time: he never goes near water without asking you first. Not the pool, not the creek behind Grandpa's, not the neighbor's pond.

Kids break rules. When yours does, what you do next decides whether he tells you the next time. If admitting he waded in alone gets him a lecture and a week of nothing, he'll learn to hide it, and hidden is the dangerous part. Thank him for telling you, then stay firm on the rule. There's more on that in Teaching a Kid to Tell the Truth When It Costs Him Something.

Skill also isn't judgment. A twelve-year-old may swim like a fish and still do something foolish with a friend watching. What Your Four, Eight and Twelve Year Old Can Actually Do is worth a look for setting expectations that match the age instead of the ability.

Your homework

Take a CPR class. The Red Cross and most fire departments offer them, usually a few hours, and nothing you do this summer is likelier to matter more. Do it before the pool opens, not after.

If your child has ear trouble, a seizure condition, or any health issue that might change the water rules, ask your pediatrician before you sign him up for anything.

Then put the phone down by the water. Texts can wait fifteen minutes.

Someday your son will be fourteen and strong in the water and tired of being told to wear the hat. Hand it to him anyway, on a day he's watching his little sister. That's when he learns what the hat was always for.