Getting the lights on the roof and yourself back off it

Quick answer: Test every strand on the ground, plug into a GFCI outlet, pre-attach plastic clips before you climb, and set the ladder at one foot out for every four feet up. If the roof is steep, wet or two stories high, stay on the ground and hire it out.

What the box says

"Easy to install! Clip lights to gutter and enjoy." There's a photo of a smiling man on a ladder in a sweater. Note that nobody in the photo is holding the ladder. Note that he's fictional.

What you will actually need

• An extension ladder tall enough to reach three feet above the gutter line. Fiberglass if there are any wires near the house.
• A ladder standoff (stabilizer), so the ladder rests on the wall or roof instead of crushing your gutter.
• Outdoor-rated lights. The tag says so. If it doesn't, they're indoor lights having an adventure.
• All-in-one plastic light clips that fit your gutter or shingles. Count them. Then buy a second bag.
• An outdoor-rated extension cord long enough to reach the outlet without stretching tight.
• An outdoor timer.
• A bucket with a handle, to hang from the ladder.
• Rubber-soled shoes with real grip.
• A spotter. A grown-up, or a sturdy teenager who will put the phone down.
• Electrical tape and a few spare bulbs and fuses (most strands ship with them in a little bag you threw away last year).

The thing everybody forgets and drives back for: the clips. You'll think you have enough. You have enough for the front of the house and approximately eleven inches of the garage.

If your toolbox is thin, the list in ten tools that cover ninety percent of household repairs covers the rest of the job.

The steps

1. Test every strand on the driveway first. Lay them out, plug them in, and look for dark sections, cracked insulation, exposed copper or crushed sockets. Any strand with damaged wire goes in the trash, not up on the house.

My wife suggested this every year for six years. I skipped it every year for six years. Testing on the ground takes ten minutes. Testing on the roof takes all afternoon and a vocabulary I won't print.

2. Measure the roofline and find your outlet. Plan the run so the plug end of the first strand starts at the outlet, not at the far corner. Check the tag for the maximum number of strands you can connect end to end, and don't go past it. LED strands usually allow far more than old incandescent ones.

You will hang forty beautiful feet of lights and then realize the plug is on the end farthest from any electricity known to science. Start at the outlet.

3. Check the weather. Work in daylight, on a dry, calm day. No rain, frost, ice or wind. A wet roof or a wet ladder rung is the single best reason to reschedule.

4. Pre-clip the strand on the ground. Snap a clip onto the wire at every bulb, or about every 12 inches. Coil the clipped strand loosely into your bucket.

This is the best idea in this column and it isn't close. Fumbling a tiny clip with cold fingers while holding a gutter is how Saturdays disappear.

5. Set the ladder. Put the feet on firm, level ground. Use the 4-to-1 rule: for every four feet of height to the contact point, the base sits one foot out from the wall. Extend it three feet past the gutter. Attach the standoff. Keep the ladder and yourself at least 10 feet away from any overhead power line, including the line running to your house. Metal ladders and power lines don't mix, ever.

6. Climb right. Your spotter holds the base. Keep three points of contact: two hands and a foot, or two feet and a hand. Hang the bucket on a rung or ladder hook so your hands are free. Don't stand higher than the fourth rung from the top. Keep your belt buckle between the rails. If you have to lean to reach, climb down and move the ladder.

Moving the ladder feels slow. You will move it roughly two hundred times. Every one of them is faster than a cast.

7. Clip along the gutter, working away from the outlet. Slide clips onto the gutter lip or under the shingle edge as the clip is designed. Never use nails, staples or tacks. They can cut the insulation and give you a live wire on a metal gutter.

Your neighbor put his up November 1st, and they're perfectly straight. You won't match him. Make peace with it at the first corner.

8. Make the connections weather-tight. Keep every plug and connection off the ground and out of gutters where water pools. Use a cord cover or a plastic connection box if you have one. Don't run cords through a window or under a door where they get pinched.

9. Plug into a GFCI outlet through the timer. Outdoor outlets are usually GFCI already. Press the test button; the power should cut. Press reset. Set the timer so the lights shut off overnight.

Then call everyone outside. The kids will cheer. Your spouse will say it looks great and then point out the one dark section on the garage. She'll be right.

Where it goes wrong

Half a strand goes dark. On incandescent strands, one loose or dead bulb can take out a section. Push each bulb in firmly in that section, then swap in spares. Check the fuse in the male plug: slide open the little door and replace it with the spare. If a strand still won't light, unplug it and replace it. Don't splice it.

The GFCI keeps tripping. That's moisture in a connection, almost always, and the outlet is doing exactly its job. Unplug, find the connection lying in water or in the gutter, dry it, lift it off the surface, and cover it. Never plug into a non-GFCI outlet to "fix" the tripping.

The lights sag or blow loose. Clips are too far apart or the wrong type for your gutter. Space them about a foot apart and buy clips made for your roof edge.

And in January, pull them down with the same ladder rules, then wrap each strand around a piece of cardboard and label it. Future you will be grateful. If there's nowhere to put the box, why your garage filled up, and how to get it back has a fix.

When to call a pro

Call one, plainly, if any of this is true:

• The roof is steep, or the lights go on a second story. Walking a steep roof without fall protection isn't a weekend chore.
• Power lines run near the roofline where you'd be working.
• There's no outdoor GFCI outlet. Have an electrician install one; codes vary by area and outdoor outlets have specific requirements.
• You're working alone, or balance, knees or vision aren't what they were.

Holiday-light installers exist in most towns, and many take the lights down too. Get a written price that includes removal. Knowing when to stop and how to get a quote you can trust will help you compare them.

Hiring out the second story isn't giving up. It's the only plan where you're guaranteed to be on the ground, holding hot chocolate, when the lights come on.