The Weekend Rate Isn't a Personal Challenge

Saturday, 6:58 a.m. The rental counter doesn't open until seven, but there are already nine of us in line, holding coffee and the posture of men and women who have Made A Plan. The air smells like two-stroke exhaust and sanding belts. A pressure washer is dripping on the floor behind the counter. Somebody's kid is sitting on a stump grinder like it's a pony. I'm here for a floor sander, and I've watched exactly one video about it.

Heard in the aisle

"It says four hours. I figured that was more of a suggestion."

The real lesson: Rental periods are usually four-hour, daily, weekend and weekly, and coming back late bumps you into the next tier. Move the furniture, tape the trim and buy your sandpaper before you pick up the machine, so the clock only runs while you're actually working.

"I'll run the concrete saw in the garage. I'll leave the door up."

The real lesson: Don't. Gas engines make carbon monoxide, and an open garage door doesn't clear it fast enough to keep you safe. Run anything with a gas engine outdoors, well away from doors and windows, or rent the electric version for indoor work.

"The drum sander's faster, right? How hard can it be?"

That one was me. The woman behind me, renting the orbital sander, just smiled the way you smile at a man about to learn something.

The real lesson: A drum sander takes wood off fast, and if it sits in one spot for even a second it digs a trench you'll be staring at for twenty years. Keep it moving, and lift the drum off the floor before you stop walking. If it's your first floor, the orbital is slower and far more forgiving.

"My hitch has a ball. A ball's a ball."

The real lesson: Trailer balls come in 1-7/8", 2" and 2-5/16", and the size you need is usually stamped on the trailer's coupler. Check the wiring plug too (4-pin flat versus 7-pin round), cross the safety chains under the tongue, and have someone confirm the brake lights and blinkers work before you pull out.

"Do I have to call anybody before I grind a stump?" "Just your chiropractor."

The real lesson: Call 811 a few business days before. It's free, and they'll mark the buried utility lines in your yard. A stump grinder cuts below grade, and roots love to wrap around exactly the line you didn't know was there. Wear eye and ear protection, and keep kids and dogs well back, because it throws chips hard.

"Which tip strips the old paint fastest?"

A teenager asked that. His dad had the look of someone who'd been hoping he wouldn't.

The real lesson: The red zero-degree tip will etch wood and concrete, and it can cut skin. If a pressure washer ever breaks your skin, go to the emergency room right away, even if the wound looks tiny. For decks and siding, use the 25- or 40-degree tip, start a couple of feet back, and move closer only as needed.

"I skipped the damage waiver. I'm a careful guy."

He was saying this while pointing at a fresh dent.

The real lesson: Read what the waiver actually covers. Most cover accidental damage, not theft or misuse. Either way, take photos of the machine at the counter, and ask them to start it in front of you, so nobody argues later about a dent or a dead pull cord.

"Brought it back with the tank full and the mud hosed off. Habit."

An older man in a canvas jacket said this, and the counter guy looked like he might hug him.

The real lesson: Return it with at least as much fuel as it left with, and cleaner than you got it. Shops charge for refueling and cleaning, and the customers who bring things back right tend to get handed the good machine next time. Same code as a borrowed truck: full tank, washed, even if it came to you dirty.

"Two-man auger. My buddy's coming. Probably."

The real lesson: A two-man post-hole auger twists hard when it hits a root or a rock, so don't run one alone. Keep a wide stance, don't wrap your arms around the handles, and let go of the throttle the instant it binds. Call 811 for this one too.

"If a little water's good, a lot of water's better."

That was me again, last spring, with a rented carpet cleaner. My wife said it would soak the pad and smell like a wet dog by Tuesday. It smelled like a wet dog by Monday.

The real lesson: Overwetting carpet soaks the pad and invites mildew. Make one wet pass, then several slow dry passes with the trigger off, and run fans with the windows open until it's dry to the touch.

"Fourth time this year I've rented this tile saw." "You could've bought one. Twice."

The real lesson: Once your rental fees get close to the price of a decent version of the same tool, and you know you'll use it again, buy it. We've sorted out which tools to rent and which ones to just buy, and the tile saw is one people keep renting long after they should've bought it.

"It'll fit in the hatchback, right?"

The real lesson: Ask the weight and the size before you sign. Floor sanders and stump grinders are heavier than they look and awkward to lift, so bring a helper and ramps, or ask whether the shop delivers. Measure your backyard gate, too. A machine that can't get to the stump won't do you much good.

Before you go

• Photos and measurements. Shoot the job (the stump, the floor, the deck) plus every doorway, stairwell and gate the machine has to pass through. The counter person can match you to the right machine in thirty seconds.
• Your hitch details. Know your ball size, plug type and towing capacity before you get there. Our truck bed, cab and roadside kit setup is a good weekend to make sure the wiring actually works.
• A helper and a clear truck bed. Somebody to lift the other end, plus ratchet straps rated for the load. Bungee cords don't count.
• Your own safety gear. Safety glasses, hearing protection, gloves and real boots. Many shops sell these, but at the counter at 7:04 a.m. you'll pay whatever they're asking.
• A finished prep list. Furniture moved, utilities marked, supplies bought. The four-hour rate only works if hour one isn't spent driving back for sandpaper.

Last thing. When the counter guy asks if you've used one of these before, tell the truth. He's not judging you. He just wants you to come back on Monday with the machine and the same number of fingers you left with.